Seems like letting go is the easy answer to every relationship problem. You should just "let go, and move on." People tell you to take what you can from the relationship, learn from it, and continue looking forward. Maybe I'm not normal, but moving forward and letting go has proved to be almost impossible task for me. It seems like it's so easy for some people to hop from relationship to relationship, easily letting go of memories, people, and emotion.
The thing is when I'm invested in someone, I'm all in, so the task of letting go isn't quite so easy. I invest not just a tiny part of who I am in those I care about, but my whole heart, all of it. It might not be the smartest thing, but it's simply part of who I am, I'm an emotional person, who cares deeply and strongly about the people in my life.
I sit here wondering what am I doing wrong? Why isn't this getting any easier? Why do I still get butterflies at the mention of your name? Why does one song, or one memory take me back to almost a year ago? Why do I still want you? Why isn't any of this getting any easier?
I want it to go away, I want to be able to move on, it is truly my heart's desire, but I can't and I don't know why. I feel like my mind is trying, but my heart says no. I cannot count the number of times a day I pray to be released of these feelings. It's exhausting caring so much about someone who is completely invested in someone else. But what else can you do when you feel like you're doing everything you can to "move forward."???
Obviously there's no manual for learning how to let go of someone. Trust me if there was, I would have bought it. There's no one one stop shop for learning how to relinquish someone who you care so deeply for from your life. There's always the option of deleting them from your phone book, de-friending them on facebook, or unfollowing them on twitter, but really what does that accomplish when deep down you know your heart still loves and treasures that person.
It's true what they say..."life goes on." Life does go on, day in and day out. You keep going, you have no other option, your life becomes a new type of normal even if it's without the person who means the world to you. And most of the time it's easy to act like you don't care, or trick yourself into thinking you've really moved on, but when it comes down to it, when you're really honest with yourself that person is still the one you think of when you hear certain songs, they are still the one you want after a terrible day, they're the one you want to make memories with, they're the first thing you think about in the morning, and the last thing you think about when you lay in bed at night. They're every cliché quote, or love story. They're still everything you to you, even if you are no longer anything to them.
"Letting go", nine letters, two short words, an easy answer to give, but not an easy fix.
"There's a million different guys out there who would give me the world...but the problem is...they aren't you"--truer words have never been spoken.
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