First Attempt At Blogging

I often find myself with more thoughts in my head then I can logically think about so I decided to start blogging to get some of my thoughts on "paper."  If you decide to read what I write, thank you and if you don't that's okay too because this is for me!  


Lately I have been having so many fears.  The biggest fears that I have are that I'm not going to be a good teacher.  I am so scared that the last four years of my life haven't prepared me adequately to be an effective teacher.  I don't want to let these students down, I want to be the very best teacher I can be for them, my colleagues, and myself.  I'm scared I'm going to make so many mistakes and I'm not going to set the bar very high for my students expectations of a quality education.  I've already started having the first day of school nightmares, where nothing in my classroom is ready and I'm sitting there in a room full of five year olds not knowing what to do (talk about anxiety.) I'm trying to pray through this fear and trust that God has prepared me for this and that he has created me to teach!


My second fear I've been struggling with lately is never finding someone to share my life with.  For those of you who know me I have pretty high standards, some might say I'm too picky.  I just know what I want and I'm not willing to accept anything less.  I don't think I'm asking for too much, I want someone who is confident, athletic, makes me feel safe, and is my best friend. Easy enough right? Nope. Honestly I never thought that being single would bother me as much as it does, but it does suck.  There isn't anyone special to share holidays with, jokes, vacations, and some of life's most simple pleasures.  I don't need to someone to make me happy, but it would be fun and exciting to have someone to share my life with! I'm scared that I'm never going to find someone who wants to be with me, you see I have this problem with never quite being enough for someone, I also seem to be the stepping stone to someone better. That starts to give you a complex after a while.... My fear is I'll always be someone's friend, confidant, but never quite someone's everything, that's a scary feeling.


I try to not let my fears get in the way of my happiness, but I'm only human so sometimes they do.  I hate  the idea of failure, being average, or disappointing others.  I am so afraid that as I begin this new journey in my life that I'm not going to be "enough."  I have a quote that I have posted just about everywhere, its from Joan of Arc and it says, "I am not afraid, I was born to do this." I trust that God has prepared me for this part of my journey.  I hope that through time and prayer these fears subside and I feel confident entering this next phase of my life.  I don't know what God has in store for me, but I have to trust that His plan for me is far more perfect than I could ever imagine.  I cannot wait to see how my life will change over the next few years!